wishing & hoping & smoking & drinking

and i wished for you on a shimmering piece of glass
from a bottle that i smashed outside of your house
because you speak in tongues that only i can hear
beautiful words always pouring from your beautiful mouth
and i think of that button-up shirt that you wore
that you claim you wore 'just for me'
and as you sipped that drink, i though of ripping it off of you
as we drove along those empty miles toward the beach
i knew i would see love, or maybe just the stars
as i surrounded myself the entire way there
with nothing but empty bottles and false starts
hidden messages that sounded like you might care
and i find myself wishing that my rock and roll magazines
read more like a how-to-guide to your heart
i smell cigarettes on your lips
even stronger than your intoxicating cologne
though i'm pretty sure tasting it
would be much more fun
and sometimes i find myself jealous
of the ticking clock and the moments you spend all alone
and any time i get to spend with you
are moments i can feel in my bones
and there will be a lifetime of these fears---
a lifetime of this jealous rage and of wondering who else you might be near
a rage full of love and devastation, uncertainty and pain
of a little bit of passion and just the right amount of hate
you will never be what i expected and never once what i need you to be
but just seeing you now or hearing your voice
makes me and my knees both painfully weak
so i'll hold this jealous rage, filled into empty glasses and shades of blue
and though you're never meant to see this
i might just have to bury it with you
so kiss me now, do it quickly and make it harsh
but i can't promise i wont bite off your tongue
and store it by my bed in a heart shaped box