the unrealism movement: circa 2013

"oh, you the doors of breath,
seal with a righteous kiss,"
oh, how i wish our ending
could've been a little more like this
...and is there nothing i can do,
really nothing i can ever again say?
screaming at the top of my lungs
but you'd still never know that i felt this way
are you now neverending,
or just clawing to get in?
is it true that your new beginning
is really just my unrealistic end?
maybe i should dig another hole for you in the dirt,
plant your picture there...
spread some voodoo on the earth?
or just continue to stand outside the gate,
rattle the cage some more,
while you don't mean to make me wait...
ya, i guess i could've handled it all a little more like that
instead of cried every moment knowing
that you're never coming back
but i didn't...and instead
i will wait...only 'til i'm dead
as you get further and further away
screaming at the top of my lungs
though you'll never hear a word i say

we count only blue stars

waves and the beach
it's all so cliche
i'd much rather drown in your skin
trailing my fingers
slowly down your body
i wouldn't know where to begin
troublesome, this feeling
though it's been so well disguised
cast me as the victim in your latest heartbreak
you can even plan my slow demise
kiss my lips slowly----or tear them apart
with your teeth, your tongue-----maybe even your heart
i'll be okay with any path you choose to take
that will be a role i won't even have to fake
i look into your eyes
but i refuse to decribe them
words like moon and sun
wouldn't do them justice if i tried them
but the waves and the beach
the ever crashing tide
if it carried us out to sea
i wouldn't even care if we'd survive

bonus mosh # you

i bet you're still a sucker for my face
and when you fall into my eyes
i hope you realize, you've been replaced
and as his skin breaks
as my nails run down his back
i hope you know with every thrust
i'm not looking back
and if that's just too much for you
like i know that it must be
i hope you'll always remember
and regret
that you'll never again feel my breath upon your neck
so just remember all the love i gave
and drown in the tears that fell when you left
it's all just a memory to me now
but i hope you remember it to death

special bulletin

your picture is hanging
on my wall
i'm watching and waiting
thinking it should fall
it's collecting dust
and vacant stares
but i think it knows
that i still care
so it's hanging there
on a clear tack
looking at me and saying
there's no turning back
the picture is there
but like you, it has no feeling
it's hanging there
and i'm sitting here, just dealing
with the fact that the picture
is all that i have
because i know looking at it now
that you're not coming back
so it will be hanging there
for quite a while
because it's the only time
that i'll get to see you smile

cologne #5

missing the smell of your cologne
even when you're near
it reminds me of all the times i left suffocating in your scent
when you used to hold me closer, dear
And now
the vacant smell of smoke
it fills my angry lungs
only serving as a reminder that i haven't smoked a cigarette
in far, far too long
so while you're off with someone else
letting her linger in your cologne
the only thing that i have left
is the smell of being alone

hardwood heart

you're like that dangerous chill in summer
that we both know doesn't exist
but like waves during a hurricane
my shores just can't resist
and are you dying to be in me...
or trying to claw through my skin?
i feel our last moments ticking away
second after second and again
there's the tide coming in, crashing around my toes
but it's slipping through imaginary cracks
like the hardwood floor that once held our clothes
while our record played its final track
and i'm no lover, i'm a fighter
but a lover i have known
and if i continue to fight instead of love
then i fear my hardwood heart
will always be alone

master lock

lock, unlock
left two, right three
and i'm dying to get back
to you lying on top of me
left then right, try it once again
if i can't see you soon
i'll have to carve your picture into my skin
your tattered sheets have begun to mirror
my wonderfully disheveled hair
and i will only check the lost and found
if you can promise i will find you there
i'll unlock any doors
that might lead me to you
so just a clue, a piece of the combination
is all i'm asking from you
before i let you cut me open
and pull my heart out with your hands
which is what i will have to do
if that's the only way to feel you inside of me again

wishing & hoping & smoking & drinking

and i wished for you on a shimmering piece of glass
from a bottle that i smashed outside of your house
because you speak in tongues that only i can hear
beautiful words always pouring from your beautiful mouth
and i think of that button-up shirt that you wore
that you claim you wore 'just for me'
and as you sipped that drink, i though of ripping it off of you
as we drove along those empty miles toward the beach
i knew i would see love, or maybe just the stars
as i surrounded myself the entire way there
with nothing but empty bottles and false starts
hidden messages that sounded like you might care
and i find myself wishing that my rock and roll magazines
read more like a how-to-guide to your heart
i smell cigarettes on your lips
even stronger than your intoxicating cologne
though i'm pretty sure tasting it
would be much more fun
and sometimes i find myself jealous
of the ticking clock and the moments you spend all alone
and any time i get to spend with you
are moments i can feel in my bones
and there will be a lifetime of these fears---
a lifetime of this jealous rage and of wondering who else you might be near
a rage full of love and devastation, uncertainty and pain
of a little bit of passion and just the right amount of hate
you will never be what i expected and never once what i need you to be
but just seeing you now or hearing your voice
makes me and my knees both painfully weak
so i'll hold this jealous rage, filled into empty glasses and shades of blue
and though you're never meant to see this
i might just have to bury it with you
so kiss me now, do it quickly and make it harsh
but i can't promise i wont bite off your tongue
and store it by my bed in a heart shaped box

rock n roll fantasy

caught up in my rock and roll fantasy
and you're always there
i take a shot of whiskey
i run my fingers through your hair
music plays an electric blue
i feel it down to my bones
as you pick me up and throw me on the bed
we're surrounded by lyrics and smoke
you keep breaking me in
my nails start breaking your skin
the same dream, i always felt
was just looking for its star
because of you, it all has a face
a kick start directly to my heart
i take a shot of whiskey
i run my fingers through my hair
because when i wake from this fantasy
you're never really there
music plays an electric blue
my tearful eyes, soaking wet
because knowing this fantasy will never come true
is to me a fate worse than death

fitz

Music blared through speakers
in streams of electric light
the colors continue to change
and shine on your face just right
I can't get a grip on the moment
I wish it would just hurry, and pass
but at the same time, I want it to stop
I want this moment to last
quickly, slowly, the beat changed
from one song into the next
looking at you all the while
lost in this moment, I'm perplexed
wanting so badly to touch you
but knowing, deep down, it's not right
thinking I shouldn't be here with you
but dreading the end of the night
driving away, way too slowly
tailights blare in streams of electric light
seeing you now, though only in my memory
the moon shines on your face just right